Man, this job really drains. I'm so dead I could just curl up. All I wanna do is slurp some juice and stare at the internet for hours. But first, gotta post a few Onion sorry Knight memes to defeat the struggle. Life is a real journey, man.

The corporate ladder is just a staircase to Shrek's swamp

Sure, they tell you it's all about ambition, about climbing to the top and commanding your little kingdom. They paint a picture of wealth, but let me tell you, that shiny penthouse suite with its panoramic view? It's just another lonely tower in Shrek's swamp.

You're going to long hours, meetings that go nowhere, and a never-ending parade of backstabbing competitors. Your dreams? They'll get swallowed up in the mire like another unfortunate tourist who wandered into this wretched swamp.

• And don't even get me started on the dress code. You think your suits will impress anyone down here?
• Trust me, you'll be wishing for a good pair of rain gear

So next time climbing that ladder, pause and ask yourself: Is this really what I want? Or am I just blindly following the system, only to end up like every other lost soul in Shrek's swamp?

Title: "Important Meeting" - My Inner Self: "Like an Onion, Shrek."

You know that feeling when your manager sends out an email with/about/regarding a meeting and the subject line just screams "urgency/importance/significance"? Yeah, well, my soul is currently experiencing something akin to a fictional onion. Layered with anxiety/dread/a healthy dose of WTF, each layer reveals/hides/uncovers another questionable/confusing/intriguing detail about the meeting's purpose.

Is it a performance review? A team-building exercise/activity/nightmare? Or, perhaps, the unveiling of a revolutionary/disastrous/slightly off-brand new company initiative? Honestly, at this point, I wouldn't be surprised if it was a meeting about how to best prepare for/survive/celebrate an alien invasion.

• My body requires coffee. Like, a metric ton of coffee.
• Perhaps it's wise to busy with something else.
• Will my soul ever recover?

This Spreadsheet Could Be Done Faster With Superhuman Might

Look, this spreadsheet is a real pain. I'm drowning in data and formulas, my brain is fried, and the deadline is looming like a hungry goblin. It would just need some serious muscle to get this thing done. I'm talking about the kind of power that only a superhero could muster. This ain't a job for your average office worker, this is heavy lifting work.

• Perhaps it's time to a legion of trolls?
• This spreadsheet needs a supercomputer
• I'm about to require a nap

Weekend? Nah, I'm Just Going Back to My Layer Cake of Papers

The idea of relaxation this weekend is just ridiculous. My desk is currently a monument of papers, each one demanding my attention. Honestly, I'm more excited about tackling this pile of tasks than I am about watching some Netflix. Maybe a Sunday marathon of caffeine and scanning is more my speed.

Full Time Work Makes Me Feel Like a Donkey in a Corporate Stable

I'm chained in this office machine. Every day feels like I'm trundling along, just another donkey in the factory. I'm exhausted from pushing this burden day after day. I fantasize about escaping.

• Maybe I'll become a farmer and actually be around animals that enjoy their work.
• {Or maybe I'll start my own business and finally discover myself.
• {Whatever it is, I know I can't stay here forever.{ It's just not healthy.